Sunday Morning Blues

posted in: Blog, Poetry | 0
A good friend of mine once told me, "He has the right to criticize, who has the heart to help." 

Sunday Morning Blues

This day has become something I dread
Singing and clapping verses laying in bed
It’s never been cool not even at first
to justify this cause, I've found not a verse

I still cannot tell why my mom makes me go
for all morning I watch as she puts on her show
It begins as I stand in the mirror with a stare
as she sprays down my head perfecting every hair

 I feel I'm being had. Like I'm up for sale
On my way to school for grown-up show and tell
Now all tidied up I head for the car
with slow bitter steps like a drunk from a bar

Orders and laws are being repeated
reminding us all how she must be treated
Like a military briefing when sent on a mission
I’ve heard it all before but in fear I listened

None of this would matter, none of this would be
If I could just go back and make myself three
 When life was so bright and nothing much mattered
when Sunday was fun, full of games and laughter

I don’t know why Sunday had to change
like God was not happy with the fun and the games
I'll feel kind of bad but I only want to go
To see that cute girl, I think her name is Nicole

Well maybe I get it, maybe it’s quite clear
its really about rules; like don’t swear or drink beer
It’s not about friends and relationships too
It’s about the lifelong focus of what we ought not do

I wish I would have known all of this stuff
Then I could have made God happier when games weren't enough
I'm glad that I know now, that I know whats true
for its simply lawful duty and prayer I must do

As long as I show up with a smile on my face
things do not matter like forgiveness and grace
In the middle of the song I feel a sharp sting
its behind my right arm as two fingers pinch me

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. That must be my cue
for my mom just saw her girlfriend named Sue
I then pretend to mouth the words to the song
feeling like I have done something wicked and wrong

I'm sorry lord. I'm sorry. Is what goes through my head
As a title wave of guilt grows like the leaven inside bread
I watch as hundreds sing right along
to a song out of context written totally wrong

I watch as my mom waves and half hugs the gals
I watch how my dad shakes hands with his pals
I cant wait till I'm grown up when some day I'll be
perfect like them doing all the right things

As the songs blaze on I look to and fro,
wondering which adult will win best in show
I search out the kids for someone my age
To see if their faces display my felt rage

My eyes meet Jimmy, and a frown takes over
because his eyes are closed and he doesn’t bother
to look around the room and dare not to sing
Man, he must love God. Whats wrong with me?

Or maybe he's caught in the same little spell
this devilish parade of religious show and tell
For even thinking these thoughts I’m scared I could be,
the evil described on the pages we read

So, I try as I can to stir up emotion
like lifting my hands will cause heavenly commotion
Like Jesus will pleasantly smile from the sky
as I lift my hands with no clue why

A girl sings on stage I can’t help but look at her form
thinking surely in church, this I could ignore
I shut my eyes tight to focus on the song
instead I picture a naked girl, no wait..she's wearing a thong

Am I the only one who deals with these things
Like the boy on my left, I wonder what he sees?
I'm starting to think that I've got a problem
I’m clearly not cut out for this religion I’m in

Truth is, I go to church just to see all my friends
to be a Ranger Scout and play till days end
I think thats ok, as long as I don’t tell
God or my mom for I'd for sure go to hell
So what happened to laughing, games and the fun
when thousands of years ago all this had begun
Was this what was meant, was this all foreseen?
Or have we been tricked and made to believe,

that its not about God and the love of His son
but being morally perfect putting our flesh on the run
Why do we seek the approval of man
like they can redeem you, if your tall, dark and tan?

I realize now that the hairspray and tie
the make-up and jewelry are merely a lie
An attempt to free you from your burden of sin
as long as no one sees what’s really within

As long as you keep your image upheld
You'll surely be saved from the fiery hell
So wake up early and put on your best
for the Sunday morning service covers the rest

The rest of a week which really don’t matter
as long as you pray and read every chapter
The service is over I was bout' to fall asleep
and that wouldn’t have been good, for at home I'd been beat

Just a few more smiles and a picture to paint
so everyone can see, mommy's little saint
After long empty talks we head for the car
I know whats ahead, in trouble we are

For my brother made the same mistake as I
as tired as he was sleep pulled on his eyes
I'm ready for this, I've prepared myself
As she yells and she scolds, I'll just think of cute elves

“Why didn’t you lift your hands as we sang?
Why didn’t you smile as the church bells rang?
I cant believe how embarrassed I am
It's all because of you not lifting your hands

Oh my lord, what are my friends gonna think?
Now I'm a bad mom cause you didn’t sing
You’re grounded boy. To your room you must go!
Till you learn to love God and join us in the show!

You know God’s mad. You know your making Him sad.
Cause your not obeying by clapping your hands.
I hope you'll see your cold and hard heart.
I hope you'll learn to memorize your part.”

Oh I'm so confused. I don’t know what to do
For she is my mom, and what she says is true
Because she prays to God, and reads all His word
Yet I somehow don’t think it’s His voice she’s heard

Or maybe she has, so I guess that I'm wrong
Maybe He told her to tell me to sing right along
That must be it, Oh how excited I am!
For I definitely know that singing I can

Oh you watch what happens, you watch what comes next
For when I grow up, I'll become the best
I'll keep this in mind and play right along
I’ll jump up and down. I’ll sing a good song

You should have seen the act that I played
when I saw my friends get spiritually slain
I knew what to do, it was all in my head
I just fell to the ground and kinda played dead

Then I dizzily stood with starry like eyes
I hoped it looked real, cause boy did I try
My friends we all hugged and prayed for each other
I went right along because what’s real doesn’t matter

Oh I feel so alone, I'm hurting I admit
but everyone loves this costume I'm in
So I'll just go on and try not to cry
cause God forbid I declare it’s a lie

It really don’t matter though. I'll be ok
As long as I'm perfect on every Sunday
I wish I could find somebody like me
who isn’t so perfect and sparkly clean

I wish I could feel like I’m actually saved
Like satan won’t greet me as I enter my grave
All I need is someone to talk to
who sees naked girls when they pray, just like I do

But alone I wait under a cute little halo
that looks like smiles and shines like a rainbow
But don’t worry, I can handle the rest of the week
for thats when I'm free, thats when I’m — me

When I'm out in the woods and I'm playing a game
A G.I. Joe, some dirt, and maybe some rain
For this is where the real me comes out
Where I can play in the dirt away from the house

The house where my costume so neatly hangs
It’s probably being washed and pressed for Sunday
But don’t you worry, I wont say a word
Or should I speak up and make myself heard?

Oh what am I thinking that wouldn’t be a fix
That would only make them mad like Ecclesiastes did
Ok. Ok. I'll just shut up
for if I said these things I’m totally fucked

So I'll keep this my secret, in fact I'll hold it all in
I'll cover it up every day that I live
But I need to do something to take my mind off this mess
I need go some where to get rid of the stress

I imagine what it was like, in the days of Eden
when everything was ok like an eternal vacation
No do's and don’t-s  and friends to impress
No rules of the church and status to benchpress

I think I want out, I wanna go back
I don’t want to grow up and be like that
I wanna have fun, I wanna be me
because, in my opinion, that’s why he died on the tree

I thought He took care of all of our mess
forever and ever, nothing more nothing less

Theres a famous story that I'll try to retell
About some guy named Adam who ate an apple and fell
I think thats how sin entered the world
When a big snake that had legs deceived the first girl

I think thats how this whole thing started
Because one man fell, now were all spiritually retarded?
But I think it’s in the Bible some where
That a man named Jesus some how broke the spell

It says He died for you and for me
He went to the cross so we could be free
He took our sins and everything evil
he disarmed the rulers and some guy named the devil

It said He stripped them and took off their armor
He paraded them in heaven then took all their power
Then three days later He rose from the grave
He did this all declaring “We’re gonna be ok.”

Isn’t the least we could do--for God and His Son?
Just accept what he did and go have some fun?

Maybe share the news and help lift the gloom
that we can drop our charades, our perfect costumes
Stop going to buildings and meetings and acting like clowns.
The whole world is a church. Your heart is a house

Don’t accept all this crap about the fall of man
for though the first Adam couldn’t save you, the second Adam can
Stop longing for Eden because that was just the first chapter
Lift your eyes, look ahead and dream of something better

~Ronnie Herrema